Every relationship goes through its ups and down or just about anything you can imagine that can make you feel on cloud nine or disconnected and scared of a deeper commitment. While trust and love may be the two most fundamental ingredients of creating a strong relationship, it takes effort from both partners to consciously contribute to the same especially when fear or insecurities show up based on past patterns or traumatic experiences from past relationships.
Trust and love are a gift one person gives to another. If one person tries to force trust or love out of another, it robs the other person out of that joy of giving. It does not empower them and forces them to experience being a slave to another person’s need. Forced trust or love is an illusion. It is not love but a sick form of manipulation of co-dependency. The giver of trust feels forced to do something as they are trying to please their partner based on fear of losing them, whereas at a deeper level there is a gradual aversion to resentment for doing the same. Forcing the gift of trust or love is the very act of dishonoring both. Oddly its then when the receiver still feels dissatisfied because energetically the trust or love didn’t come from an authentic place and feels unsecured regardless. Allowing trust to grow over time, allows the other person to relax, feel safe and secured and most importantly respected for where they are at and how they want to express their love and letting them choose for themselves.
If your partner doesn’t feel you value them and their experience of where they are at, they wouldn’t want to go where you want to go (with them). They’ll be too afraid to give it all. If you do not honor their needs of having space, trust will be hard to come. If you do not respect their choice of being patient, love will be even harder. You can only get what you give. You can only want what you have. Do you have what it takes to get what you want with what you have to manifest, what you need? Think about this.
Trust and love are also like a muscle. It would not grow if it is not used. So be aware that you want to give your partner the joy of giving you the trust and love and you support the process by giving it back- first. Often trust and love is not as explicit as in trusting the partner who is loyal or giving hugs and kisses. Showing respect for their space and needs of taking their time to build that trust in you is showing love to them. Remaining open to the possibility of them trusting you back without controlling the outcome or being attached is showing you trust- first yourself and the greater Universe. They are part of the Universe and hence trusting them.
So what do you do when love or trust is not reciprocated? You simply be grateful for what you have in front of you, choose consciously how you are showing up and give from an authentic place. In the end, if it doesn’t come back or is violated, why take it personally? Just know that it was out of your control, you chose to love and trust and if they did not, it’s their own short coming and not yours. It wasn’t mean to be, and it isn’t the end of the world either. You both will have learnt something, and it was simply time to choose differently.
It’s really difficult and challenging to risk, let go of control and fear of unknown but that’s way more powerful and worth it in the end. When trust and love has evolved naturally and in an empowering state of consciousness, it doesn’t feel like work for you or them. Relationships are not work but it takes work to learn and grow into what fundamental values contribute to the growth of lasting relationships. They are like plants. They take their own sweet time to grow once nurtured with the necessary amount of love, trust, understanding and most importantly compassion for the other. Love is most wonderful when you are not afraid to let it go. Asking for security to guard their love with a padlock is a form of distrust. Giving your own trust and let them voluntarily reciprocate is a sign of unconditional love as we know all great things begin and end in love.
Progress over happiness is what drives me in every single I do. I write about practice ways to pivot areas of life such as productivity, relationship and work backed by research and good old teacher – experience. I’m often deemed as tough love coach with the approach of ‘grab-em-by the collar attitude. I’ve an satiable curiosity of all things and like you, I’m a learner of life. Thank you for visiting my blog. Whether you learnt something, got inspired or simply got amused, I’m keen to know: What are you going today to make the quality of your life better?